Monday, October 26, 2009

THE PLEASER - 21/365

“That’s fine - really - that’s fine.

Whatever you want to do is fine with me.

Of course it’s possible we might run into some traffic or have a parking issue but if you think we’ll get there in time I’m fine with it - no problem, no problem at all.

In fact, we could even leave later if you want to. Huh? You want to leave later?

Or earlier...we could leave earlier it's up to you.”

My Reflection:

I'm a "pleaser" - I know I'm a pleaser - no doubt about it. And sometimes I have to admit that in order to "please" I end up going along with something I have doubts about or don't agree with. Then when it all goes wrong like I predicted it would, I have to remind myself that I did have a choice and that I could have chosen to follow my gut instinct instead.

I've decided that sometimes, it's easier to "please" than to take responsibility for choosing not to trust my gut. Plus, in the moment, it just feels better to call the other person an idiot and talk about what I "should have done" rather than what I "chose" to do. Why? Because I'm a "pleaser" and that takes precedent.

So, the question is; how does a "pleaser" follow her gut instinct even though it may not please the other person? I guess awareness is the first step - owning up to my choice would be second. The third......?


What do you think?


pberger007 said...

Well, here I go again...........what have you gotten me to do Sue.The way I see it is
lets go back to the REAL begining, there really are only 2 answers to that. Please yourself or please the other person. Its that old cop-out....blame the other person is easier. Then you can say I knew I should have done it my way all the time!!!and that way you will never know if you really would have been right.....and it goes on and on and on.

Sue Ellen said...

Which makes me wonder about the reason why I'm a "pleaser" - do I please because I don't want to disappoint people or do I please because I don't want to be "wrong." And the pleasing thing is just an excuse not to follow my gut instinct. Could it possibly not be a about pleasing at all and perhaps be more about being "right or "wrong?" You're thoughts, Patti, are making me wonder if this is really more about "confidence."?????