Monday, November 30, 2009



"Come must know what I'm thinking - it's written on half of my face.

The other half? Oh, well...that's my "neutral" side. If you want to know what's on THAT side, you'll have to ask."

My Reflection:

Sometimes I wish I could just say EXACTLY what is on my mind. Of course if I did, people might run the other way when they see me coming. They probably do anyway.

I'm trying really hard NOT to give my opinion unless I'm asked - it's hard - I'm aware of keeping of neutral face all the while my mind is screaming..."ASK ME WHAT I THINK, ASK ME WHAT I THINK."


What are you NOT saying?

Sunday, November 29, 2009

THE O'PEAR - 55/365

"I want you to know what I do - that's why I wear it on my head. If I didn't, how else would you know? And if you don't know what I DO, then how would you know who I AM?"

My Reflection:

I hate to admit it, but there are times when my self-esteem seems to be connected to the opinion others have of my activities. I will often be asked..."so, what are you doing?" And if I don't have a..."I'm saving the world" answer, I feel like I'm just taking up space.

Instead of worrying about what others think, what if I...

DO what inspires me
DO as much as I can for others
but in the end,
"DO" less
"BE" more

HOW do you do what you "do?"

Saturday, November 28, 2009

THE VILLAN - 54/365

"Why am I always the "bad guy?" I'm just telling the truth you know - people don't want to hear the truth but someone's got to tell it - I guess it might as well be me.

So, go ahead, call me the "bad guy" - I can take it. Besides, isn't there always supposed to be a "bad guy?"

My Reflection:

It takes a certain amount of courage to tell the truth. The fear that someone might not like me or be angry can stop me cold.

When that happens, I don't feel very good about myself and I wonder if the loss of my own integrity is worth the approval of others.

Maybe the focus should be on HOW I "tell the truth" not IF I should tell it. Perhaps one's ability to digest the truth, depends on the degree in which it is "respectively" given.

How do you tell the truth?

Friday, November 27, 2009


"This is going to work...I just KNOW it. It's GOING to work. I'm not giving up on it no matter what...even if the odds are against it, even if it looks like it's going to fail...................even if it kills me."

My Reflection:

I've decided that knowing when to "let go" is an art not a science. There's a line I cross when I stick with something so long that it feels like it's attached to me with Crazy Glue. I HATE giving up on something but there are times when "giving up" or "letting go" is more effective than "hanging on."

How do you know when to give up?

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


"Are you STILL talking? Didn't we end this conversation about an hour ago? If you keep repeating this over and over I'm going to fall asleep. Do you want me to fall asleep - is that the idea? Then keep talking."

My Reflection:

Sometimes I think that if I continue to explain something that the person I'm explaining it to will finally "GET IT." But, the truth is, it's probably something they don't need to "get" in the first place, otherwise, they would have picked it up the first time.

I can try and fool myself and pretend that it's for THEIR benefit. But, I've come to the conclusion that when I find the need to repeat myself, it's probably going to be for mine.

When do you find you're repeating yourself?

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


"What snake? There's no snake on top of my head. I have no idea what you're talking about. But I do want to tell you about this new cream I'm's FANTASTIC! I put it on at night and whatever problem I have, by morning IT'S GONE! Seriously, if you have a runny nose...dried out, if you have bad breath...gone, if you have a sore toe...fixed. No matter what you have wrong, this cream can fix it."

My Reflection:

I'm always looking for "the answer." If there's a problem, there has to be a solution. But, is that true? Is that necessary?

In a perfect world that would be great. But, I don't live in a perfect world and I doubt there would be any need for me to be here if it was already "perfect."

I'm learning that sometimes, a "problem" just wants to be noticed...not necessarily "solved."

How do you address your problems?

Monday, November 23, 2009


"Some things have come up so I won't be able to continue helping you on that project. Just some "things" know...stuff - anyway, you'll have to get someone else. Yeah, I know I told you I'd do it but that was before this other stuff came up.

STUFF! Don't you know what the word STUFF means? Other things...activities...obligations...stuff that's more important than your project. But hey, if I end up with some extra time, I'd be happy to help you out...I'll give you a call and let you know."

My Reflection:

Why is it that just when it seems like I have everything under control I get this urge to pile on more things to do...take on more obligations...make more plans? Am I addicted to the stress I feel when I'm cramped for time? Do I like rushing around trying to get everything done? Maybe I'm afraid that if I'm not doing enough then I'm not worth enough.

How much do you take on?

Sunday, November 22, 2009


"Nothing holds my interest unless it's about me and in that case, I generally like to do all of the talking. If you have something to say that concerns me...keep it to yourself, because you'll just be wasting your breath.

On the other hand, you seem to have so much breath, that wasting it may not be an issue. In that case, may I suggest you consider a "Breath Conservation" program? You'll learn to use it only when someone is REALLY listening."

My Reflection:

It's interesting that the times I feel like I'm not being heard are usually the times when I'm trying to get someone to hear what I have to say about THEM. I'm so convinced that what I'm saying is in THEIR best interest, that I'm like a preacher on a pulpit and I'm not going to come down until they've HEARD me.

After a long diatribe, I usually end up saying to myself, "Sue, you're just wasting your breath." But, if I'm wasting my breath, is it because they're not listening or because I haven't stopped talking long enough... to become the "listener."

Why would someone be interested in what you have to say?

Saturday, November 21, 2009


"I like being looked at but I'm not crazy about getting picked. Why don't you choose that pink one on the other bush instead or better yet, get one at the grocery's almost dead anyway. I'll last longer and definitely be happier in my own environment."

My Reflection:

Like a flower on a bush, sometimes it's easier and more comfortable to stay in my own environment instead venturing out into the unknown. But I notice that when I do the same things over and over - go to the same places - with the same people, I fail to really "see" things anymore. My eyes are open but they aren't really taking things in.

I've wondered what it would be like to spend an entire day pretending I'm from another planet and really looking at things as if I'd never seen them before. I can do it for a minute or two but I get bored and then start thinking of things I have to do.

Maybe I should have a more realistic goal - instead of a whole day, I'll just make a commitment to pretend I'm from another planet once a day - just long enough to notice one thing. That shouldn't be too hard - according to my family, I act like I'm from another planet all of the time!

Do you really "see" things?

Friday, November 20, 2009


"If you don't tell me the rules, I can't play the game. I'll only play the game if I know ALL of the rules and I UNDERSTAND all of the rules so that I don't BREAK any of them. Rules are important and they shouldn't be broken. A broken rule means the game is over which means no one wins and nothing gets accomplished and I like to ACCOMPLISH things and I like to accomplish things perfectly. You can't accomplish anything without rules and you can't accomplish them PERFECTLY if you don't FOLLOW them."

My Reflection:

I think it's okay to have rules as long as I keep them in perspective especially the ones about safe driving or filling out my tax return. But, when the "rules" rule me, I find my "creativity" flies right out the window and because "rules" and "creativity" don't get along so well, one or the other usually has to go. I try not to strive for perfection either because I've noticed that "perfection" and "creativity" are like oil and water and mixing them will get me nowhere.

Making a mistake (breaking a rule) used to stop me cold with questions like; "what if I'm wrong...what if it doesn't look good....what if no one likes it....what if I fail?" I finally figured out that if I wanted to be creative, I had to learn to "break the rules" - to risk failure - and above all else...not strive for "perfection." Besides, "perfection" takes the soul out of whatever I'm doing and I think that the "soul" of an activity or a piece of art is what makes it successful - not it's perfection.

"Perfection" is like buying a "paint-by-numbers" kit - it may be painted "perfectly" but isn't creatively admired.

What rules are you willing to break?

Thursday, November 19, 2009


"Wait...I can't answer right now...can't you see I'm choking to death? Give me just a minute - as soon as I'm dead, I'll give you that information."

My Reflection:

There are times when I'm asked a question that is a little too personal but, for the life of me, I can't think fast enough to avoid answering. That really makes me myself.

Why can't I just return the question with a question like..."WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW"?

OR...have a coughing fit like "The Choker."

I could also just stare at them...count to ten...anything but answer right away.

But instead, I stutter - I stammer - then feeling like an idiot...give them the answer.

What do you do when you don't want to answer a question?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


"I'm not one for showering affection on others - a little peck on the cheek or an "air smooch" is about as far as I'm willing to go. What's with all the "touchy/feely" stuff anyway? What's wrong with a wave of the hand or a nod of the head? Not good enough? Do we have to make contact in order show people we care? Well...I'm done with all of the physical stuff...especially with the swine flu situation. I'm starting a new do you like my "hershey hat?" One look and consider yourself kissed."

My Reflection:

Sometimes I want to move in close and sometimes I need my distance. Can't a smile (as long as it's genuine) be enough? Some people are really good huggers and others just hug heads - from the shoulders down they're about ten feet apart.

And then there's the question about hugging strangers - people you meet for the first time. Sometimes I get the urge to hug someone and then I feel kind of embarrassed because I don't really know them but I've just made physical contact with them.

I think it would be easier if we all had some kind of tattoo that identified our physical contact tolerance - like a blue ice cube for a cold fish, a warm sun for a contact giver/receiver and a red hot poker know.

What's your tolerance for contact?

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


"I'm getting ready to go out. I'm not "out" yet but I'm getting ready. "Getting ready" is important - if you don't "get ready" to go and and just "go out" then you're probably going to look a mess and that's not a smart thing to do.

If you're going to be taken seriously in this world then you need to look like you're going out into the world "on purpose" not by accident. For example, if you're dressed in sweats and a t-shirt with an ugly cap on your head then it's going to look like something caught you by surprise - something you weren't prepared for - something that is in control of YOU instead of you being in control of IT.

So, which is it, do you want people to think things control you or that you're in control of things. If you want the later then you're going to have to put some thought into GETTING READY."

My Reflection:

My sister always told me to never - no matter what - never go out in hair curlers or without make-up because you never know who you're going to run into. And sure enough, whenever I try and sneak out - just for a few minutes - just to pick up something at the store...sure enough, I run into people I know. Or, someone I haven't seen in years and I find myself making all kinds of excuses...."oh, I should have known I'd run into someone dressed like this"...."oh, I was just running out to pick up some medicine...I don't usually look like this...blah, blah, blah."

It's unfortunate that how we look makes an impression and for some people, they don't care, but unfortunately, I've been conditioned to care. I can say that it shouldn't matter and if people don't like the way I look...tough...but the truth is that I'm the one who's embarrassed not the other person and no matter how many times I try and run it through my head that it's "ok" to just be "me"'s not.

How do you present yourself?

Monday, November 16, 2009


"Thinking about things takes a lot of time. First, you have to acknowledge there's something to "think about." Then, you have to go about the "thinking process" in a way that will allow a new idea to break through your consciousness. With each new idea, you have to start the "thinking process" all over again - going over the new idea with a fine tooth comb which helps to generate more new ones.

Obviously, the process takes forever. In fact, it's an indefinite process - and with no end in sight, provides endless hours of thinking and re-thinking issues over and over again.

I hope I've provided you with some "food for thought"...I'm certainly "thinking" about it myself."

My Reflection:

Thoughts can be dangerous. In fact, I think thoughts should come with a warning sign..."think carefully...can be dangerous to your mental stability."

Our minds are powerful tools and can produce thoughts that are used to solve problems that benefit many - but the mind can also be used as a "weapon of mass destruction" - poised to strike at reason and wisdom - or defensively hold on to a strategy we think might be safe.

I've heard that meditation is a great way to "tame" the mind and gain control over the unruly beast. But it's a discipline that requires commitment and perhaps some "faith" that sitting quietly and "not thinking" can produce the kind of mind that is thoughtful not thoughtless - focused not scattered.

Without "thinking too hard" - do you think there is a benefit
to practicing "not thinking?"

Sunday, November 15, 2009


"That sounds like a really good idea - I'm all for that idea. Of course... it might be a little premature to commit to that particular idea - in fact the more I think about it the more I think that it might be better to go with the first idea. Yes, the first idea sounds best.

The first idea is definitely more sound - unless things change and then the second idea could be better than the first. So, I'm leaving the door open in case I want to choose the second idea instead. In fact, I'll just choose it now...yes...I'm choosing the second idea because, more than likely, things are going to change and in that case the second idea is best.

On the other hand, I may need to re-think the whole thing and come up with a totally different idea. So...maybe I should just think about this and let you know."

My Reflection:

In my next life, I'm definitely not coming back as a Libra. Don't get me wrong - I like being a Libra (most of the time) - it's a great sign with lots to offer but sometimes I wish I didn't see so many different sides to everything. It would be nice to see one side and one side only - of course it would have to be the "right" side.

But, what's the "right" side and what makes it "right" as opposed to "wrong?" What is right today may be wrong tomorrow. Or vice-versa. And what if nothing is "right" or "wrong" but just a different experience? Of course who wants to have a negative experience? I can't imagine calling a friend and saying, "hey, guess what...I just had the most amazing negative experience!"

I'm wondering if there's a way I can choose which experience to have and not think of it as "right, wrong, positive or negative"...probably not but it's worth thinking about.

How do you rate your choices?

Saturday, November 14, 2009

THE MEMORY - 40/365

"So, you'd like to forget about that incident huh? Well, I have to say..."too bad" - what you want to forget I always remember and what you want to "remember"....well - you know the rest.

Why should I be cooperative? What's in it for me? I like the fact that you have to rely on me and I don't like it when you take me for granted so, occasionally, I have to let you know who's boss.

People depend on me for so many things - when I don't function optimally it can be a should I say..."humiliating." A failed test - a forgotten name - a missed appointment...TORTURE, TORTURE, TORTURE - just what I do best!"

My Reflection:

I am convinced that my memory is a completely separate entity, having nothing to do with me - with a mind of its own (so to speak) - and its own personality. It fails me regularly - especially when I need it most and could care less if I'm humiliated or embarrassed. It's not very empathetic and when I beg or plead it totally shuts down.

I find that it works best when I pretend like I don't really need the information that I seek. Many times I casually indicate that if I don't have it, it's not the end of the world. But, in the end, it will still withhold a name like a bear hiding her cub and won't give it up no matter how many times I dangle the alphabet in front of it.

Maybe it's hungry and I just don't feed it enough or exercise it like I should and if I did - it would like me better and embarrass me less. Ya think?

How do you treat your memory?

Friday, November 13, 2009

THE COOL GUY - 39/365

"Why should I take these sunglasses off? I like the fact that you can't see my eyes. Why do you need to see them - they're just the normal color brown...not too big, not too know, just normal.

To tell you the truth, I like the fact that you don't know if I'm looking at you or not. Most of the time I'm probably not - but occasionally, I'll glance your way.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable...well...I guess I'm not sorry. If your comfort was my priority, I wouldn't have them on in the first place now would I?"

My Reflection:

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul and that if you look into a person's eyes when they are talking to you, you can tell if they're telling the truth or if there is more to the story than they are sharing.

But sometimes, I'm just not ready to bare my soul to the public. Sometimes, I'd just like to keep my "soulful" thoughts to myself. I don't cover up my eyes but I wonder if that's what people who wear sunglasses indoors are hoping to accomplish? Are they trying to keep their inner most thoughts to themselves or are they just multi-tasking? Looking around to see who else might be more interesting to talk to while they are pretending to talk to me? If that's the case, is it okay to ask them to take them off?

What do you think the dark glasses mean?

Thursday, November 12, 2009


"Isn't it a pleasant day? I love pleasant days - of course unpleasant days are okay as well because on those days you have time to do things you wouldn't ordinarily do on pleasant days. But, there's nothing like a "pleasant" day.

On pleasant days I think of how pleasant everything is and it just gives me a warm feeling all over. I don't understand why more people don't appreciate pleasant days like I do. If they did, we'd probably have fewer unpleasant ones, don't you think?"

My Reflection:

My goal is to always be pleasant but I'm not sure that people remember "pleasant" - do they? People usually remember unpleasant or difficult or gregarious or goofy but they don't usually remember "pleasant."

Now, if I didn't care to be remembered I suppose it wouldn't really bother me would it? Then, "pleasant" would be just fine. But, I'm a little embarrassed to say that I'd like to be "remembered" in some way but the truth is...I do.

So, maybe I've got the wrong goal. Maybe the goal shouldn't be to be more "pleasant" but more "memorable" what does that mean?


"Pleasant" or "Memorable"....which is it for you?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


"What nail? I have no idea what you're talking about. How could there be a nail in my head? WHY, would there be a nail in my head? That's just you think I would be here talking to you if there was a nail in my head? Would I be smiling if there was a nail in my head? NO... so obviously, there's no nail in my's just you, making assumptions AGAIN!"

My Reflection:

Okay, so a nail in his head is a little over the top...but every time I make an assumption I could kick myself - particularly the times it seems SO OBVIOUS that I "assume" I'm not making an assumption!

What is the saying...."if you smell smoke then there's probably a fire"? I guess if you smell smoke it could be a weenie roast but a fire's a fire...right? Maybe not.

Every time I make assumptions I get into trouble. I always need more information but, of course, I don't know that I need more because I "assume" I have all the information I need. When will I can I there something I can do?

What if I ask just one more question...just ONE MORE when I think I have all the answers? Of course the key is to REALLY ask - ask to understand - to gain more information NOT to substantiate my assumption!

Do you "ask" or do you "assume?"

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


"I can't wait to see what's going to happen next. What do you think is going to happen huh...huh...huh? It's so exciting - just thinking about it is enough to send me over the edge. In fact, I don't think I want it to ACTUALLY happen - I think I'd just like to anticipate it happening...that's much more fun. Don't you think?"

My Reflection:

There's something about the anticipation of an event that can be more exciting than the event itself. Why is that?

Maybe things play out better in my imagination than they ever could in reality. Is that a bad thing? Should I keep my expectations low so that I'm not disappointed by the actual event? Or, am I projecting into the future too much and need to be more present? That's always the case so I guess I can count on that being an accurate statement.

There are times when I have an experience that is more than I could have ever expected and it always feels joyful. Like buying a lipstick and an extra one for free. How can I get that to happen more often?

Are you pleasantly surprised or regularly disappointed?

Monday, November 9, 2009

THE CLOWN - 35/365

"I like to make people laugh. If they think I'm funny they won't think I'm stupid - they'll think I'm just "acting" stupid but not REALLY stupid. I don't think I could make it in this world if people thought I was really stupid, however, I don't mind if they think I'm dumb. Dumb means you can't possibly get it right because you don't have the ability to figure things out so, of course, you're going to do dumb things. But stupid? Stupid means you have the ability to be smart but you just do something stupid which means you are REALLY stupid and might as well be dumb."

My Reflection:

Why is it I'm so afraid of looking like I don't know what I'm doing? Is that so terrible? What do I care what people think? Why do they have to think I'm smart? What difference does it really make? And if they think I'm NOT smart, what will happen exactly?

I don't have the answer to these questions - I just ask them because I don't know anyone who wants to look stupid. I don't know anyone who is comfortable doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing...well, that's not entirely true. My husband doesn't care. He really doesn't care what anyone thinks. It just doesn't faze him one bit and I'm envious when I think how freeing that must be.

How stupid are you willing to be?

Sunday, November 8, 2009


"Wait a minute...just give me a minute would you? if I squeeze my eyes together real tight like this, I can block out all of that other stuff.

Why do I need to look at EVERYTHING? It's not relevant - it has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm looking at and should be "squinted" out as far as I'm concerned. Besides, it's distracting and just confuses me to look at all of that. I'll make my decision based on what this looks like, not on how it looks in relationship to everything else. How dumb is that?"

My Reflection:

Have you ever wanted something so much that you just can't think about it objectively? Like The Squinter, there are times when I can't seem bring myself to look at what I want in relationship to everything else. If I did, I suppose I'd see it for what it is and know it isn't right for me. But, instead I shut out everything else and make up a story to convince myself that it's going to work out just fine. I then end up "buying" it or "saying" it or "going" to it only to realize later on what I should have known in the first place... that it isn't right for me.

Perhaps looking at things in "hindsight" won't be necessary if I keep both eyes open and remember not to squint.

How do you make decisions?

Saturday, November 7, 2009


"I like to make people feel good about themselves. Plus, if I make them feel good they might feel good about me. Really, it's all about me but they don't know that.

I'm generally well liked and fairly popular because most people feel pretty crappy about themselves so they need people like me to help make them feel better. Of course there are those who don't like me - don't care for my compliments and generally run the other way when they see me coming. They're usually the ones who don't need my services because they feel wonderful about themselves already - in fact, a little too wonderful if you ask me."

My Reflection:

What if we all had to tell the truth? What if we couldn't say what we thought someone wanted to hear but rather what we thought was the absolute truth? Would it be a good thing or do you think it would start WW III?

In some ways I think it would be good - once we got over the shock that is. I've often thought that if I knew what people REALLY thought of me I'd never leave the house. Well, that might be the case in the beginning - but after a while, I'd have to adjust and let the truth wash over me in a way that was useful instead of devastating. Plus, I guess I'd be returning the favor wouldn't I? for thought.

Are you a "kisser" or do you liked to be "kissed?"

Friday, November 6, 2009

THE "trying to be" HAPPY FACE 32/365

"I'm trying, I'm trying really hard but "happy" just isn't showing up for me right now, I know I look like I'm supposed to be happy but I'm not always that kind of face. Sometimes I feel kind of now for instance...right now I feel blah.

If it's so important to you for me to look happy then why don't you do something to put a smile on my face? I can think of a number of things but it would be more meaningful if YOU thought of them. Otherwise, I'd just be trying to make myself happy and why would I want to do that?

My Reflection:

I know I'm supposed to be responsible for my own happiness - but what does that mean exactly? Do I make myself happy at the expense of others? No...that actually accomplishes the opposite. So, do I make others happy and then feel the joy from that? Well...that works fairly well unless the happiness of the other person is at the expense of my own.

Perhaps a clear definition of what "makes me happy" is a good place to start. I'm sure it's finding a balance between my own happiness AND the happiness of others and integrating the two in some way. While I do enjoy making others happy - I've learned that to exclude myself from that group is a dangerous way to go. Resentment can be the ugly bi-product of that choice and that's much harder to get rid of than disappointing others.

Who makes you happy?

Thursday, November 5, 2009


"You either get headaches or you give them - one or the other so which one is it? Personally, I'd rather give them but I suppose if I do that all the time it wouldn't be fair so once in a while I take one for myself.

While I don't care for the discomfort, the side benefits can be pretty good. Like putting my feet up in the middle of the day with a cool ice pack on my head or a steamy hot towel. Sometimes I even get a head rub. I guess you could say that it's also a good way to avoid the stuff I don't feel like doing... no one wants to bother you if you don't feel well.

Oh gee, I wish I could run that errand for you but I've got a terrible headache."

My Reflection:

I really do suffer from bad headaches. I used to get them all time starting when I was a little girl - they escalated in puberty - and as a young adult I could get up to two migraines a week. One good thing about menopause, however, is that most of my headaches disappeared along with ....well, you know.

I think another reason they've diminished is because of my improved ability to communicate my feelings. I used to store up a lot of tension along with those unexpressed thoughts until they would exploded in the form of a horrible migraine.

Some people might even say that I've improved my ability to communicate so much so that I've now become the headache "giver" instead of the headache "receiver." I hope not - I'd never want to purposely give one of those awful things to anyone - even someone I don't like.


Is it better to "give" than to "receive?"

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


"HEY...YOU...over here. I'm over here. Can't you see me - can't you hear me? I'm aware of you, why aren't you aware of me? It's really annoying you know - I feel like you don't really want to see me - WHY IS THAT? Too much trouble? Can't look in this direction once in a while? Are you afraid of me or something?

I don't want to be intimidating - I keep my distance, try to "blend in" and not be too overbearing. But unless I stand on my head or make a fuss - you just ignore me.

Okay, if you need lots of "drama" I guess I'm not the one for you. So, if that's the way you want it...I'll just fade into the woodwork - I guess I know when I'm not wanted."

My Reflection:

I often wonder how many shy, unassuming people I end up ignoring? I've been fortunate not to have felt ignored too often in my life but the few times I have, it's not been a very pleasant feeling.

Don't we all have something to offer? I think I'm a little socially lazy and tend to lean toward the most extroverted in the room. True, I don't have to work as hard but is it possible that the one who might be the most interesting is the one who requires a little more effort to draw out?

What if I thought that every encounter is gift waiting to be opened and the most valuable one is the one that is intricately wrapped and requires a little more finesse?

How many gifts do you let fade into the woodwork?

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


"I can think a lot better if I'm listening to something else while you're talking. These headphones are perfect because they totally drown out all of the other noise including the sound of your voice.

Oh, don't worry...I can understand you. I'm reading your lips and looking at your body language so I totally get what you're saying. What? Uh, wait...wait just a second..., don't put it over there it doesn't go there, it goes over here...... what were you saying?

Wait....where are you going? I'm listening...really I am...I don't know why you're running off like that!"

My Reflection:

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the number of communication devices I'm plugged into. Between my mobile, computer, phone, email, text messages, Facebook, Linkdin, and now this Google blog...I feel like I can't keep up. I could sit in front of my computer for an entire day and still not FINISH what I'm trying to accomplish. No wonder so many people are diagnosed with ADD. How did this happen?

When my brother calls from New York, he will often ask why I have to "multi-task" while I'm talking to him. He says he can hear me washing the dishes or typing on the computer or making dinner. I brush him off and tell him that if I'm going to accomplish everything I need to do I have to do more than one thing at a time. But, do I? Wouldn't it be nice if I just took the time to sit down and talk to him without doing anything else? And who says I'll get it all done anyway?

It reminds me of when my father was alive and every day when I called to check in he would always asked the same question, "Suzi, did you get everything done today?" I always said "no" and went into all of the things that I still had to do. One day, when he asked I thought for a minute instead of answering right away, I said, "No Daddy, and I probably never will." It dawned on me in that moment that in his own quiet way, he was trying to get me to see that point all along.

I've often thought of that conversation and I suppose that if I'm not going to ever get it all done anyway then multi-tasking is really just a big distractor. Yes, it's true that the task might get done but at the expense of some pretty important connections - the people I care about most.

How do you connect?

Monday, November 2, 2009

THE SHADOW - 28/365

"Hey, don't worry about it...I'll be right here by your side ALL THE matter what. You can depend on me to give you the perspective you need to get through life day in and day out.

If things get a little too cheery or bright you can count on me to "gray" things up a bit. Kind of like putting on a pair of DARK sunglasses to help you see things as they REALLY are. That way you don't have to worry about all of that blinding and misleading sunshine, because I'll be here to tone it down a bit - to prepare you for the $*/t to hit the fan.

Oh, no need to thank me... it's my job."

My Reflection:

I've often wondered where negative thoughts come from. Are they floating around in the air like contagious bacteria just waiting to land on me when I least expect it? Is there something I can take, do or wear that will inoculate me from the "shadow virus" waiting for me in unexpected places?

Unlike my intuition, it plays on the negative - pulling me away from my intuitive center, making it difficult to listen to my inner voice that leads me to the creative light and away from danger. Two different voices - two different agendas.

I'm learning that I can't necessarily turn the "shadow" off - trying to do so only makes him speak louder. I think the key is to learn to tell the difference between the two and then making the choice to listen to my intuition instead.

Which voice do you hear?

Sunday, November 1, 2009


"I don't you think it's going to work out okay? I'm not sure - I mean, what if it doesn't - what if doesn't work out the way it's supposed to...what do I do then? I wish I knew what was going to happen...if I knew for sure maybe I could prepare for it - then it wouldn’t be so bad. Well...maybe it would be bad but then I could just start worrying about what’s really going to happen instead of what I think might happen.”

My Reflection:

Sometimes, I think the worst part of any situation is not knowing how it's going to turn out. I think I could deal with almost anything if I knew what the outcome was going to be.

But if I know the outcome, would I ever be motivated to take action? Or, would I forever be changing my plans in search of a better one?

Maybe the "outcome" isn't really as important as I think it is. After all, some of the most meaningful parts of my life are the parts that consist of the obstacles I’ve had to overcome or the fears I've had to face. Knowing the outcome would certainly remove the obstacles and eliminate the fears - but wouldn’t it also take away the sweet taste of victory and the sense of pride that is felt at meeting the challenge?

Maybe “victory” lies not in the outcome but in our willingness to face the obstacles along the way. And if “victory” isn't in the outcome then perhaps "defeat" isn't either.


What outcomes are you worried about?