THE AVOIDERS - 338-341/365

we tend to shut our eyes
when the truth is too close to our face

THE LONER - 242/365

sometimes it is easier

to feel lonely

than it is to feel exposed

THE BEWILDERED - 106/365

"If you don't mind, I'd like to hide behind you for a while. You can be me...no one will know the difference...really. When they ask you a question just tell them you don't know....or you're confused or you're not sure...that's what I do and it works every time."

My Reflection:

Sometimes life throws a curve ball - one I'm not expecting and in that moment the world I'm living in isn't quite the same. While certain things are familiar, my responses to them are different and that leaves me feeling a little unsure of myself.

That's when I feel like hiding - not exposing myself to the unfamiliar territory. But isn't that just what I need to do in order to become familiar with the new terrain?

I'm learning that with every "curve ball" comes an opportunity to become a more conscious human being and when I hide, I'm letting that opportunity go by.

Perhaps I simply need to remember that only after the unfamiliar has been welcomed will it present the gift it came to give.

Question:

How do you handle "curve balls?"

THE SNEAK - 105/365

"Nothing is going on...nothing is happening. Well, okay... maybe something did happen but I didn't tell MYSELF it was happening so if I didn't tell myself then it as far as I'm concerned it didn't happen."

My Reflection:

To fool myself is the worst kind of betrayal and yet that's what I do when I try and pretend something isn't bothering me. It's like trying to pretend I don't have a headache when my head is pounding or that the fire detector battery isn't beeping. I start out pretending not to notice, then I notice but pretend not to care but in the end, I always end up admitting the truth to myself so I have no idea why I don't just do it in the first place.

Perhaps learning to be true to myself comes from finding the courage to acknowledge the feelings I'm pretending not to have.

Question:

What do you try and keep from yourself?

THE CHEATER - 95/365

"My eyes are closed...I can't see a thing...promise. No, really - I'm not looking...I wouldn't do that...I swear!"

My Reflection:

While I'm not a "cheater," I suppose there are times when I cheat myself. "Oops...where did the time go...just can't make it to the gym today."

While this isn't going to kill me, the fact that I'm pretending I don't know any better eats away at the fabric of my integrity leaving me with a sense of uneasiness and mistrust.

Perhaps the next time I try and fool myself or let "time slip away", I'll remember that to build "trust" requires a willingness to tell the "truth" and that one can't exist without the other.

Question:

How do you "cheat" yourself?

THE MINIMIZER - 94/365

"Ohhhhhh...I'm FINE...really I am...no need to worry about me...no need at all. Yes, it's true I may never walk again but I'm feeling much better and I'm sure that any day now the little toes growing on the bottom of my feet are going to just fall off and I'll be as good as new."

My Reflection:

Sometimes I like to think that something will just go away if I pretend it's not bothering me. Like thinking the music has stopped playing because I inserted earplugs or that the elephant has left the room because I put a bag over my head.

But I'm learning that when I ignore my feelings, to get my attention, the music plays louder and the elephant becomes destructive. Perhaps the key to living in "peace" is to simply allow my feelings to become "music to my ears."

Question:

How do you deal with the elephant in the room?

THE AVOIDER - 2/365

"I'm resting. Just for a few minutes. Can't I rest a while? Do I always have to be doing something? Okay, so maybe I'm not resting - I'm just hanging out in my own reality for a little bit. It's much easier to do with my eyes closed - that way I don't have to see everybody else's and get all mixed up. I can just stay in here and be content in my own reality.

I AM TOO CONTENT!"

My Reflection:

I realize that sometimes I don't feel confident enough to see another's perspective. There's some kind of fear about that - like I might loose part of myself if I do so it's just easier to stay focused on my own story and find ways of validating my take on the situation. But eventually, all that validating gets complicated and I find myself disconnected from my real feelings and farther away from the truth. In the end, I see that contentment comes from having the courage to look at a situation through someone else's eyes while at the same time, acknowledging my own perspective.

Question:

How do you express your fear or courage?