THE SQUINTER - 34/365

"Wait a minute...just give me a minute would you? if I squeeze my eyes together real tight like this, I can block out all of that other stuff.

Why do I need to look at EVERYTHING? It's not relevant - it has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm looking at and should be "squinted" out as far as I'm concerned. Besides, it's distracting and just confuses me to look at all of that. I'll make my decision based on what this looks like, not on how it looks in relationship to everything else. How dumb is that?"

My Reflection:

Have you ever wanted something so much that you just can't think about it objectively? Like The Squinter, there are times when I can't seem bring myself to look at what I want in relationship to everything else. If I did, I suppose I'd see it for what it is and know it isn't right for me. But, instead I shut out everything else and make up a story to convince myself that it's going to work out just fine. I then end up "buying" it or "saying" it or "going" to it only to realize later on what I should have known in the first place... that it isn't right for me.

Perhaps looking at things in "hindsight" won't be necessary if I keep both eyes open and remember not to squint.

Question:

How do you make decisions?

THE BEHIND KISSER - 33/365

"I like to make people feel good about themselves. Plus, if I make them feel good they might feel good about me. Really, it's all about me but they don't know that.

I'm generally well liked and fairly popular because most people feel pretty crappy about themselves so they need people like me to help make them feel better. Of course there are those who don't like me - don't care for my compliments and generally run the other way when they see me coming. They're usually the ones who don't need my services because they feel wonderful about themselves already - in fact, a little too wonderful if you ask me."

My Reflection:

What if we all had to tell the truth? What if we couldn't say what we thought someone wanted to hear but rather what we thought was the absolute truth? Would it be a good thing or do you think it would start WW III?

In some ways I think it would be good - once we got over the shock that is. I've often thought that if I knew what people REALLY thought of me I'd never leave the house. Well, that might be the case in the beginning - but after a while, I'd have to adjust and let the truth wash over me in a way that was useful instead of devastating. Plus, I guess I'd be returning the favor wouldn't I? Hmmm.....food for thought.

Question:

Are you a "kisser" or do you liked to be "kissed?"

THE "trying to be" HAPPY FACE 32/365

"I'm trying, I'm trying really hard but "happy" just isn't showing up for me right now, I know I look like I'm supposed to be happy but I'm not always that kind of face. Sometimes I feel kind of blah....like now for instance...right now I feel blah.

If it's so important to you for me to look happy then why don't you do something to put a smile on my face? I can think of a number of things but it would be more meaningful if YOU thought of them. Otherwise, I'd just be trying to make myself happy and why would I want to do that?

My Reflection:

I know I'm supposed to be responsible for my own happiness - but what does that mean exactly? Do I make myself happy at the expense of others? No...that actually accomplishes the opposite. So, do I make others happy and then feel the joy from that? Well...that works fairly well unless the happiness of the other person is at the expense of my own.

Perhaps a clear definition of what "makes me happy" is a good place to start. I'm sure it's finding a balance between my own happiness AND the happiness of others and integrating the two in some way. While I do enjoy making others happy - I've learned that to exclude myself from that group is a dangerous way to go. Resentment can be the ugly bi-product of that choice and that's much harder to get rid of than disappointing others.

Question:

Who makes you happy?

THE HEADACHE GIVER- 31/365

"You either get headaches or you give them - one or the other so which one is it? Personally, I'd rather give them but I suppose if I do that all the time it wouldn't be fair so once in a while I take one for myself.

While I don't care for the discomfort, the side benefits can be pretty good. Like putting my feet up in the middle of the day with a cool ice pack on my head or a steamy hot towel. Sometimes I even get a head rub. I guess you could say that it's also a good way to avoid the stuff I don't feel like doing... no one wants to bother you if you don't feel well.

Oh gee, I wish I could run that errand for you but I've got a terrible headache."

My Reflection:

I really do suffer from bad headaches. I used to get them all time starting when I was a little girl - they escalated in puberty - and as a young adult I could get up to two migraines a week. One good thing about menopause, however, is that most of my headaches disappeared along with ....well, you know.

I think another reason they've diminished is because of my improved ability to communicate my feelings. I used to store up a lot of tension along with those unexpressed thoughts until they would exploded in the form of a horrible migraine.

Some people might even say that I've improved my ability to communicate so much so that I've now become the headache "giver" instead of the headache "receiver." I hope not - I'd never want to purposely give one of those awful things to anyone - even someone I don't like.

Question:

Is it better to "give" than to "receive?"

THE APPARITION 30/365

"HEY...YOU...over here. I'm over here. Can't you see me - can't you hear me? I'm aware of you, why aren't you aware of me? It's really annoying you know - I feel like you don't really want to see me - WHY IS THAT? Too much trouble? Can't look in this direction once in a while? Are you afraid of me or something?

I don't want to be intimidating - I keep my distance, try to "blend in" and not be too overbearing. But unless I stand on my head or make a fuss - you just ignore me.

Okay, if you need lots of "drama" I guess I'm not the one for you. So, if that's the way you want it...I'll just fade into the woodwork - I guess I know when I'm not wanted."

My Reflection:

I often wonder how many shy, unassuming people I end up ignoring? I've been fortunate not to have felt ignored too often in my life but the few times I have, it's not been a very pleasant feeling.

Don't we all have something to offer? I think I'm a little socially lazy and tend to lean toward the most extroverted in the room. True, I don't have to work as hard but is it possible that the one who might be the most interesting is the one who requires a little more effort to draw out?

What if I thought that every encounter is gift waiting to be opened and the most valuable one is the one that is intricately wrapped and requires a little more finesse?

Question:

How many gifts do you let fade into the woodwork?

THE DISTRACTED - 29/365

"I can think a lot better if I'm listening to something else while you're talking. These headphones are perfect because they totally drown out all of the other noise including the sound of your voice.

Oh, don't worry...I can understand you. I'm reading your lips and looking at your body language so I totally get what you're saying. What? Uh, wait...wait just a second...

.....no, don't put it over there it doesn't go there, it goes over here......

Okay...now what were you saying?

Wait....where are you going? I'm listening...really I am...I don't know why you're running off like that!"

My Reflection:

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the number of communication devices I'm plugged into. Between my mobile, computer, phone, email, text messages, Facebook, Linkdin, and now this Google blog...I feel like I can't keep up. I could sit in front of my computer for an entire day and still not FINISH what I'm trying to accomplish. No wonder so many people are diagnosed with ADD. How did this happen?

When my brother calls from New York, he will often ask why I have to "multi-task" while I'm talking to him. He says he can hear me washing the dishes or typing on the computer or making dinner. I brush him off and tell him that if I'm going to accomplish everything I need to do I have to do more than one thing at a time. But, do I? Wouldn't it be nice if I just took the time to sit down and talk to him without doing anything else? And who says I'll get it all done anyway?

It reminds me of when my father was alive and every day when I called to check in he would always asked the same question, "Suzi, did you get everything done today?" I always said "no" and went into all of the things that I still had to do. One day, when he asked I thought for a minute instead of answering right away, I said, "No Daddy, and I probably never will." It dawned on me in that moment that in his own quiet way, he was trying to get me to see that point all along.

I've often thought of that conversation and I suppose that if I'm not going to ever get it all done anyway then multi-tasking is really just a big distractor. Yes, it's true that the task might get done but at the expense of some pretty important connections - the people I care about most.

Question:

How do you connect?

THE SHADOW - 28/365

"Hey, don't worry about it...I'll be right here by your side ALL THE TIME...no matter what. You can depend on me to give you the perspective you need to get through life day in and day out.

If things get a little too cheery or bright you can count on me to "gray" things up a bit. Kind of like putting on a pair of DARK sunglasses to help you see things as they REALLY are. That way you don't have to worry about all of that blinding and misleading sunshine, because I'll be here to tone it down a bit - to prepare you for the $*/t to hit the fan.

Oh, no need to thank me... it's my job."

My Reflection:

I've often wondered where negative thoughts come from. Are they floating around in the air like contagious bacteria just waiting to land on me when I least expect it? Is there something I can take, do or wear that will inoculate me from the "shadow virus" waiting for me in unexpected places?

Unlike my intuition, it plays on the negative - pulling me away from my intuitive center, making it difficult to listen to my inner voice that leads me to the creative light and away from danger. Two different voices - two different agendas.

I'm learning that I can't necessarily turn the "shadow" off - trying to do so only makes him speak louder. I think the key is to learn to tell the difference between the two and then making the choice to listen to my intuition instead.

Question:

Which voice do you hear?

THE WORRY WART 27/365

"I don't know...do you think it's going to work out okay? I'm not sure - I mean, what if it doesn't - what if doesn't work out the way it's supposed to...what do I do then? I wish I knew what was going to happen...if I knew for sure maybe I could prepare for it - then it wouldn’t be so bad. Well...maybe it would be bad but then I could just start worrying about what’s really going to happen instead of what I think might happen.”

My Reflection:

Sometimes, I think the worst part of any situation is not knowing how it's going to turn out. I think I could deal with almost anything if I knew what the outcome was going to be.

But if I know the outcome, would I ever be motivated to take action? Or, would I forever be changing my plans in search of a better one?

Maybe the "outcome" isn't really as important as I think it is. After all, some of the most meaningful parts of my life are the parts that consist of the obstacles I’ve had to overcome or the fears I've had to face. Knowing the outcome would certainly remove the obstacles and eliminate the fears - but wouldn’t it also take away the sweet taste of victory and the sense of pride that is felt at meeting the challenge?

Maybe “victory” lies not in the outcome but in our willingness to face the obstacles along the way. And if “victory” isn't in the outcome then perhaps "defeat" isn't either.

Question:

What outcomes are you worried about?

"SAY CHEESE" - OCTOBER

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! 26/365