THE DAY DREAMER - 25/365

"Can't you see I'm busy? I don't have time to do anything right now - you'll just have to wait. And please don't talk either because you're interrupting my story. What you mean..."what story?" The one that's going on in my head. It's a really good one too - I'm getting everything I want... fame, fortune, time and lots of friends.

I told you...I can't help you out right now...I'M BUSY. Ask one of your other friends...I'm sure they have nothing better to do."

My Reflection:

Life would be a lot easier if I could just live inside my head - if I could create a world where I was always organized - I never had to look at the clock and my hair looked exactly the way I wanted it to. That way, I wouldn't have to spend hours "trying" to get organized - I would BE organized and I wouldn't have to worry about having enough time to do the things I want to do - I'd have that and then some. I won't get into the hair thing.

But the truth is, day dreaming is no more than "wishful thinking" and the more time I spend "wishing" something were true the less likely it will ever become a reality. Maybe if I envision what I want with open eyes, I'll be in a better position to actually make it happen.

Question:

What do you "dream" about?

THE LISTENER 24/365

“I’m trying to hear what you’re saying...I’m trying really, really hard but your face doesn’t go with the words coming out of your mouth. They don’t match - the words and the face - they just don’t go together. I can’t listen to two things at once ya know...I get mixed up. Let’s see...which one do I listen to...the words...the face...the words...the face...which one?

Here’s an idea...take your face and words away somewhere and let them hash it out. After you do that, come back and I’ll be all ears.”

My Reflection:

I must have a little ADD because sometimes I can become very distracted while talking with someone. It’s like there are three conversations going on at the same time. The words they are saying, the expression on their face and the voice in my head - all talking at once and all saying something totally different. At this point, I usually shut down - my eyes glaze over and I "check out" which usually makes me feel better in the moment but not in the long run. I’m left with a feeling that I could have done something else but what?

Two things come to mind - one, I could ask more questions and two, I could quiet the voice in my own head and listen more carefully to their answers. And who knows, maybe that would influence the face and words to start reading off of the same page.

Question:

What do you do when things don’t add up?

THE UNINTERESTED - 23/365

"I want to be interested in what you're saying but to tell you the truth, it's boring. You just keep going on and on about the most uninteresting things...little things like - 'is it going to rain - how am I going to get to work if it snows - the leaves are clogging the drain on my roof' - WHO CARES? If you could talk about something that interests ME then I might be more interested in YOU.

Ask me a few questions once in a while - any question - doesn't matter - just something to get a few of my brain cells to light up. But don't ask me anything personal - I don't want to talk about anything personal. I also don't want to talk politics - I can't stand politics. And I'm not into sports so don't go there either. I don't know...you'll figure it out."

My Reflection:

Dale Carnegie said that in order to "win friends and influence people" you need to be genuinely interested in them. Since most people don't give you their life's history, it usually requires some investigation. Asking questions to find out more about them is an art and not always easy to do so we often end up talking about benign things like the weather in order to fill in the gaps. Or, go through the "hi, how are you - fine, how are you?" routine. Again...another gap filler.

So, how do we ask questions without being nosey? Maybe it's the "genuine" part of being interested that's most important. I also find it very difficult to ask questions when I'm feeling defensive or angry about something - that's usually when I go on and on about my thoughts and feelings because I'm assuming I already know theirs. But, isn't that when I most need to understand where someone else is coming from? And how can I do that if I don't ask enough questions and be genuinely interested in the answsers?

Question:

What kind of questions do you ask?

THE DOUBTER - 22/365

"Oh boy, wasting time again eh?...

Figures...

So, where are these "hair-brained" ideas going anyway?...

NOWHERE...that's where. But, if you want to waste your time on something that has no relevance, no value, no potential... that's your business...

All I have to do is sit back and watch your life take one meaningless turn after another and listen to you whine about it when you reach another dead end...

On the other hand, if I'm going to keep my sanity, I'd be smart to invest in a blindfold and some ear-plugs."

My Reflection:

Doubt is a very powerful and sometimes negative force. It doesn't just barge into my consciousness but rather creeps and crawls in like dry ice in a stage play. There's just a hint of it in the beginning and then before I know it the entire scene is in a fog leaving me disoriented and unsure of where I am.

Sometimes it renders me motionless - unable to think clearly let alone do anything. My mind screams, "ABORT MISSION, ABORT MISSION - BAD IDEA - BAD IDEA." So, sometimes I abort the mission and while it's true, I no longer feel in a fog - I also feel a since of loss - a loss for something unknown but potentially important.

Perhaps the key is to feel the fog but to stay in the scene - to keep moving forward until I've completed the mission or the play. The gift from the experience could be immediate, years later or remain a mystery. But, one thing I've learned is that finishing sometimes requires faith and the knowledge that not everything can be explained but that every experience is of value.

Question:

What are your doubts?

THE PLEASER - 21/365

“That’s fine - really - that’s fine.

Whatever you want to do is fine with me.

Of course it’s possible we might run into some traffic or have a parking issue but if you think we’ll get there in time I’m fine with it - no problem, no problem at all.

In fact, we could even leave later if you want to. Huh? You want to leave later?

Or earlier...we could leave earlier it's up to you.”

My Reflection:

I'm a "pleaser" - I know I'm a pleaser - no doubt about it. And sometimes I have to admit that in order to "please" I end up going along with something I have doubts about or don't agree with. Then when it all goes wrong like I predicted it would, I have to remind myself that I did have a choice and that I could have chosen to follow my gut instinct instead.

I've decided that sometimes, it's easier to "please" than to take responsibility for choosing not to trust my gut. Plus, in the moment, it just feels better to call the other person an idiot and talk about what I "should have done" rather than what I "chose" to do. Why? Because I'm a "pleaser" and that takes precedent.

So, the question is; how does a "pleaser" follow her gut instinct even though it may not please the other person? I guess awareness is the first step - owning up to my choice would be second. The third......?

Question:

What do you think?

THE SHERIFF - 20/365

"It's my job to make sure things go according to plan. I don't care about you, what you have to do, where you have to go, who you have to see or how important your plans are. Nothing is more important than making sure things running smoothly and the only way that's going to happen is if you are doing what you're supposed to be doing.

I don't care if what you're supposed to be doing isn't in your best interest or even the world's best interest - that's somebody else's job. My job is to make sure things go according to plan. Good plan or bad plan - makes no difference to me."

My Reflection:

Occasionally I set out to accomplish something and have a pretty good idea how it's supposed to go. I create a goal, make a list, create a time-line and then go about setting things into motion. Then, out of the blue, someone questions what I'm doing or things don't fall into place but I keep going, blind to the little red flags that have been posted. Like The Sheriff, I have a "plan" and no matter what, I'm going to stay the course.

Pretty soon more red flags appear, it feels like I'm swimming in mud instead of water and the "goal" feels impossible to reach. I'm not a glutten for punishment so that's usually when I abort the mission. But how many missions were needlessly aborted? How many past goals could have been met if I had just "adjusted" my course?

Perhaps if I pay attention to the flags, ponder the questions or question the doubts there will be fewer aborted missions and more accomplished goals.

Question:

How flexible are you in relationship to your goals?

THE SEEKER - 19/365

"I don't need an eye - I can see just fine with one, thank you very much. And I don't need you to loan me one of yours either because that won't do me any good.

A person has to see out of their own eye or eyes - whatever the case may be. I happen to think that one is much better than two. Unlike you, I'm not overloaded with too much information, I don't feel overwhelmed and I don't get conflicting messages.

One eye...One perspective."

My Reflection:

Sometimes, there are so many different ways to see a situation it can make me dizzy. This point of view, that point of view, I see it this way, I see it that way, I see it working, I see it not working...whew. Occasionally, I'd like to see things one way and one way only - clear, concise...no other options.

But while I might feel less confused, I'd also feel less inspired. Life is full of possibilities that can only be uncovered when my mind is open, fully engaged and ready to see them. I'd hate to think what would happen if I refused to change my mind after taking a better look at something.

Maybe the key is to take a longer look before getting my mind involved. The mind is always ready to have an opinion and perhaps if I can just stay open long enough - look and listen instead of trying to come up with the "right" answer - I might discover more than I was looking for in the first place.

Question:

How do you see?

THE BLAMER 18/365

"Yes, I made that decision but I made it because no one stopped me from making it. Why didn't they stop me?

I'm tellling you that it's not my fault - I would have done something else if someone would have just TOLD ME that I was making such a BAD choice! Why didn't they tell me?

In fact, I think they pushed me in that direction. Yes, they PUSHED me - that's exactly what they did. So now, someone else is going to have to fix it because I can't fix something that's not my fault."

My Reflection:

Whether I have been influenced by someone else or wish someone had influenced me, taking responsibility for the decisions I make isn't always easy. When things don't go the way I plan, I begin the "backtracking" process. First, I try and figure out why I made that choice, then I think of what I would do differently if I could do it all over again. That's not necessarily a bad process if I would just stop there but, oh no, I feel the need to keep going.

I find myself looping back to the "why" part and if it involves being influenced by others, I start going down the "I was right...they were wrong....I should have listened to myself....why did I listen to them?"...road. That road, of course, leads to the land of "nowhere" and once I'm there I tend to get lost for a while. Until, that is, I find the "get over it" road that leads me back to a place where I can move forward. So, why can't I just take that road in the first place?

Question:

What road are you on?

THE SKEPTIC - 17/365

"Hmm....I'm not so sure about that. Seems to me you may not have enough facts to prove that point. I need some hard facts not just gut instinct. How do I know you have a gut that's healthy enough to produce a decent instinct anyway? Besides, isn't an instinct kind of like "wishful thinking"?

For example, you want something to go a certain way and you want it so badly that your brain starts yapping at your gut to "go for it, go for it, go for it...." and then before you know it, you've made some hair brained decision that puts you in a sand trap. No sir, that's not for me...hard facts - that's all I'll take - nothing more - nothing less."

My Reflection:

I'm not much of a "fact person." I don't retain them for one thing and while they are important, I usually go on my own instincts based on prior patterns. That usually works for me unless it doesn't work and then I try and go for the facts but the problem is I don't always trust them.

Funny, some people don't trust gut instincts and some aren't sure about the facts. Are the facts REALLY the facts? Or...are they simply pieces of information put together in a way that kind of resembles how The Skeptic thinks about "gut instincts?" Like when a new drug is introduced with all kinds of positive facts and it's not until ten years later that we find out the "facts" are a little skewed.

Maybe there has to be a healthy balance of both. Uncover as many facts as we can then trust our gut instinct to point us in the right direction. Trusting my instincts and finding solid facts is a skill I'm constantly trying to hone.

Question:

What do you rely on?

THE BEFUDDLER - 16/365

"I just don't get it. It just doesn't make any sense to me. I don't know what to do with the information you just gave me. Do I respond? Do I forget it? Do I file it away - but if I file it away - where do I put it? Can I just give it back to you? Would that be okay? That way, you can figure out what to do with it...you can even change it if you want to since it's technically your information anyway. I might get it screwed up or something and I wouldn't want to do that. So, I'm returning it - unwanted AND unused."

My Reflection:

Sometimes people will give me more information than I can handle which leaves me either feeling confused or uncomfortable. I know I'm guilty of that myself sometimes - particularly when I see my kid's eyes roll back in their head or my husband start to nod off. I guess I'm afraid they won't get the whole picture if I don't fill in all the parts. I keep forgetting that people like to fill in their own parts and only need a few key dots (like draw-by-numbers art) to create an image that makes sense to them.

The worst is when I get personal information I don't know what to do with. Personal information that is so graphic, so distinct so...NOT MY BUSINESS - that it feels like it's literally branded into my brain, destined to stay there forever. Like The Befuddler, I'd love to just give it back and clear my head of all traces of it.

Question:

What do you do with too much information?